It feels a little different…
I am now almost two months into my trip overseas, and whilst I am most CERTAINLYYY having the best time, STILL not over the face I am in France, and truly DEVASTATED to be leaving so soon, I have been unable to shake how much I have missed home. My friends, my family, my apartment, my work, my routine back in Australia.
Since I’m suddenly all about a deep-dive into my thoughts online, you should know that is so weird for me to be feeling like this. Pre-covid, all I ever wanted to do was escape and travel, and whilst I absolutely still do and will continue to for as long as I can – because how lucky am I to be able to – it’s truly blowing my mind how clearly comfortable I became back home- how safe and secure I was in the little life I had created for myself- without even realising. To suddenly uproot everything I have known so well for the last couple of years has sent my mind into overdrive, and I feel so much further away than I expected, and it’s only me and my mind for the first time in years.
I’m not mad at myself for feeling like this, if anything, it’s actually been amazing to have this new-found appreciation for my life back home – I think I really needed this to happen. Any poor soul who knows me well – especially Vanessa – has had to listen to me often complain that I wasn’t ‘meant to be in Melbourne right now’, I simply needed to get out, find where I belong. I now know it was probably more about finding myself all along – and that’s my bad lol. I want to travel to a hundred different places in this lifetime, but I think the purpose of that is to enjoy it, be present, embrace another culture, relax and unwind – not escape the life I have. I came here thinking I wanted to move here and leave everything behind. My mindset was all wrong in the lead up to this trip. I looked at it as a fresh start, far away from everything I knew.
But maybe a fresh start doesn’t need to be quite so dramatic. Being here for a couple of months is a pretty amazing opportunity for a reset and fresh start all in itself. I’m finding myself loving the more relaxed days at home in our cute AirBnB, so I can have some time to mentally unwind, catch up with what is happening back home with my family and friends, think about my next move in terms of my career, and prevent myself from doing too much and feeling exhausted – especially financially haaaa cute. Maybe that’s also part of getting older – being able to hone in and listen to your body and mind.
I don’t know, I might be alone in feeling like travelling after this long feels different, but it has been fascinating to discover it is so quickly for myself. Instead of looking at this as a long term move, I instead found myself so excited to make the absolute most out of the rest of my time here, to learn as much as I can about France and wherever else our travels take us, eat amazing food and see incredible things etc etc, but I am now (amazingly!) also so excited to go back home at the end of this incredible experience with a complete appreciation for how fabulous life can be – you literally get to make it whatever you want.
Who knows what’s next? Not me, and that’s the fun part.